ISD's "Jokes" and the claim I "radicalised" 2 youths.

Article #30

In March and April 2019, Roslinda discussed my release several times. It was not uncommon. In January 2018, Ajitpal had also discussed my release. I was told I would be placed on a Restriction Order. I would not be allowed to contact my old friends. I would have to wear an electronic ankle tag. Nothing came of that discussion. A few months later, my detention was extended.

Roslinda discussed the type of work I would be interested in. I had told her I would like to return to academia. I was told that was not an option. I replied that I did not really care what work was available, as long as I could take care of my family. She asked if I would work as a storeman at IKEA.

“Yes I would.”

“Won’t you be bored?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” I had been in solitary confinement for almost three years. How much more boring can anything else be?

“But if there is a better opportunity in marketing or academia, I would probably take it.”

Roslinda told me that she was going to submit a positive report. “I think you have made a lot of progress.”

Iqbal was more circumspect. He did not tell me whether he was going to recommend my release or submit a positive report. But he had already admitted that I did not support ISIS. He accepted that my discussions on Syria and ISIS were because I was against Bashar Al Assad’s tyranny. He admitted that I was not violent.

I was told I was soft hearted.

We disagreed on politics. I knew that my political views were the reason I was detained. But I kept telling myself that it should not. So as I discussed politics with them, at times telling them their arguments did not make sense, I also kept quiet a lot and acted as though I agreed.

It was not easy. I had always been open with my views and to accept ridiculous arguments and pretend as though they made sense was a struggle. Iqbal advised me to learn to keep quiet. Even if I disagreed with them, I should say nothing. I should not even look as though I disagreed. I was told to learn to keep a poker face.

During almost every meeting after the first few months, I was told to not react to anything he said. Iqbal told me that there was a difference for someone who disagreed and kept quiet and those who spoke up. The one who kept quiet was not a concern.

We only became a problem when we spoke.

I understood his intention. If I learn to keep quiet, I will stop discussing politics. I could only be released if they were sure I would not criticise the PAP again. They spent years training me to not respond and not react.

Iqbal usually spoke cordially with me. Most of the meetings would begin with him giving me soccer updates. Then he would segue into some issues he wanted to discuss. Usually, these discussions would be staged.

Iqbal always wore jeans and collared T-shirts. I once told Larsson about the time Shireen and I were tailed by a man in white shirt and black pants and that the Bedok Station police officer remarked that it was the ISD.

Larsson said that it was probably the normal police. The next time I met with Iqbal, he wore white shirt and black pants. I was sure he wanted me to remark on it. Sometimes there would be items or props in the interrogation room. If I mentioned it, he would use the opportunity to discuss whatever he had planned. Once I realised his tactics, whenever I noticed these props, I would ignore them.

I found out after the second year that when they said I “radicalised two youths”, they meant Saiddhin and Shamin. I was surprised. In my first week, Chang said there were two youths in detention because of me. I felt terrible about it. Why would they be in detention for anything I said?

Tim then talked about Saiddhin. I knew Saiddhin was on Restriction Order. He said Saiddhin had planned to fight in Syria. I told him that was nonsense. Saiddhin never had such plans. He was a gentle-hearted man who was trying to start up his own sandwich shop. His wife was pregnant. He was helping a group of Malay kids living in rental flats.

Saiddhin and I chatted regularly and there was nothing, ever, about going to Syria.

I was not as close to Shamin. We met once and chatted irregularly. I heard that he was detained and wanted to lobby for him to be tried in open court. Shamin called me a sell-out when I regularly discussed democracy.

The ISD officers and psychologists discussed Saiddhin and Shamin with me several times. I did not realise these were supposed to be the “two youths” that I radicalised. I told Roslinda that the claim was ridiculous.

The only time they could claim I said anything positive about ISIS was right after Mosul when I thought they were defending the Syrians. But Saiddhin and Shamin knew that I criticised ISIS later.

“But you don’t know what they tell ISD” she replied.

“I know how ISD force false confessions” I countered.

During the interrogation period, Tim said my discussions on Facebook in 2014 were dangerous.

“If what I said was dangerous, why did you wait 2 years to arrest me? Why didn’t you contact me? You had my contact details.”

“Would you have agreed?” Tim asked.

“I would have listened. Or why didn’t you get the Australian authorities to speak with me? If it was so dangerous, why did you not try to stop it?

“Because it is not about anything I said that was dangerous” I continued. “You knew I was going to return to Singapore at some point. You just wanted to use it to arrest me.”

I pointed that out to Tim and Iqbal several times.

In 2019, Krishnan came to meet me and shared the story of a girl they arrested recently. This girl had a boyfriend who was in ISIS. Her phone number was in his mobile phone. The ISD found out about it 2 years later.

“Even after 2 years, we still detained her” Krishnan said as he smiled proudly. Iqbal nodded and gave me a broad smile.

“Even after two years” Iqbal repeated.

Sometimes, Iqbal would create a situation for him to shout at me. Several times, he would talk about my continued detention. Whenever I was about to be released, he would talk about “next year in detention.” The first few times, I told him “I am not supposed to be here next year.”

On one occasion, I waved away what he said. Iqbal flew off the handle.

“Why do you do this?” he shouted, making a waving off gesture.

“Why would you talk about me being here next year?”

“I cannot joke with you? You can joke but I cannot joke?”

“You are joking about causing me and my family pain. How is that a joke?”

“You can joke but I cannot joke?” he shouted again. He became angrier.

I let him be. Sometimes I would apologise.

He would then send me back to the cell.

I told him several times “if you get upset with me, when you leave the room, meet others, do your work, you will probably forget feeling upset. If I am upset, I go back to the cell, I have no one to talk to, no distraction, nothing to do. That feeling will remain.”

“Good” he told me emphatically. “I want you to feel the pain. So you will change.”

Larsson told me what he referred to as a maths joke. He and Ong laughed as he asked me, “what is 2 + 2 + 2 +2 +2”, referring to the 2 years renewable detention.

Even as they trivialised and made fun of the detention, ISD officers would get angry quite easily. When Larsson met with me, he would show pictures and asked me if I knew any of them. Just as with Tim, sometimes I would make up stories. “His mother is a teacher and his dad is a lawyer” or “I think he is a taxi driver”.

For the first couple of years, Larsson would end the profile “statements” by asking me if they knew I supported ISIS. I would tell him they did not. He would include in the statement that “...did not know I supported ISIS.” I hated those statements. Larsson kept forcing me to repeat them. After the second year, I asked him to stop with those “support ISIS” lines.

During one session, Larsson showed me the picture of someone that looked vaguely familiar. At first, I did not recognise the person until he mentioned the name. It was an Ustadz that my brother Azman was close to. Larsson asked me when I met the Ustadz, what we discussed, why my brother introduced us. A few minutes into the interrogation, I realised he was interested to get information about Azman.

“Don’t get my brother into trouble” I told him. I was worried.

“Who gets people into trouble? Do people get themselves into trouble or ISD get them into trouble?” he snapped.

“Both” I said.

“You should be careful with what you say” he warned me, getting angry. “You are talking to authority. You may be jovial but you better becareful.”

I thought it was amusing. If I get slightly upset, they would shout and tell me “don’t throw a tantrum.” I may not even be angry. If I asked anything that they did not like such as “when will I meet the psychologist?”, I was told that I was “throwing a tantrum.”

But they get angry so easily.

I apologised to him. The next day, Iqbal met with me and asked me about my meeting with Larsson. I was told I needed to be counselled.

I left a lot of discussions feeling amused. By the third year, I was in full research mode. I recounted any conversation I had whenever I get back to the cell. I knew that I would not be released if I continued to disagree with them. I had to consciously decide to agree.

But in a lot of discussions, I had to buffer my responses. And I was aware that I did not have any information apart from what they told me. I could feel my mind becoming dull. There was very little intellectual stimulation. I talked to myself everyday to slow the dullness.

I was not really successful.

I knew what they wanted me to say whenever they discussed political events. I knew I had to pretend to agree or at least, not respond. I struggled with it. I finally managed to minimise the pretence by telling myself that I would agree with what they said, while reserving judgement. I did not really know what was going on. The world outside the walls did not exist. All I knew were what they told me.

I would accept what they said while reminding myself that it was merely what the ISD wanted me to believe. I planned to review my opinions once I was released. My acceptance was based on current information (what they told me) while recognising that the information was skewed. That decision made it easier for me to speak with them as though they were right while staying true to myself.

One of the ISD prison officers, Hamidah, would jokingly ask me if I had washed my brain yet. She suggested I used Clorox to wash my brain so that I would be released.

I met with the Advisory Board in May 2019 for mid-term review. There was a new judge that chaired the board and new members. Scowl face was gone. During the meeting, one of the AB members asked what I thought about secularism. I responded with what Krishnan told me (without mentioning his name) that my criticism of Shanmugam’s demand for Muslims to wish others on their holidays was taken as being anti-secular. Another AB member said that my criticism of Shanmugam should not be taken into account by the AB since it was a political disagreement.

In July, Krishnan met with me. I was told that I would not be released. When I met with Roslinda, she said the AB wanted to keep me in detention since the extension was for 2 years.

“They want you to stay so we can keep monitoring you.”

Continued in the next article.